venusgypsy











{July 10, 2013}   chaos…

I don’t know the words. Dont know how to explain the hell I am in. It switches on and off. No pattern, no warning. My chest gets tight and my heart beats hard and fast. My throat closes up and I can’t speak. My face gets hot, and I hear a loud noise, a combination of ringing and white noise. I am paralyzed, by fear? Guilt? Dread? I can’t leave the house. The only way to avoid it is to sleep. 24 hours a day if I can. I would rather die than live like this forever. (But hey, I said the same thing when I had chickenpox…)



More people have seen my vagina than Mount Everest
…the Grand Canyon
… the Movie Titanic
…mugshots of Lindsay Lohan
…fake Santas
…Superbowls
…their own face in the mirror
…licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop
…reality shows
…how many people have claimed to have invented the internet, including Al Gore
…how many people have had their children baptized, regardless of the fact they don’t believe in God.
…how many people hit the breaks when they see a cop car, even when they are allready doing the speed limit
…how many people have exercise equipment in the basement that they never use
…how many women wipe front to back
…how many people do the walk of shame on any given morning
…howmany people pick their nose and then do not dispose of the results appropriately
…how many people realize at some point that they truly do not like their children
… how many people emphatically tell you they like your new hair cut, in the hopes that you will continue to looks like a retard, thereby making themselves look more attractive in comparison
…how many people blow the most atrocious smelling farts, and even though you heard their butt vibration, and there are only the two of you in the car, they will look at you in innocent disgust and ask, “What is that smell?”

I think you get the point.

A lot of people have seen my vagina….



{May 26, 2013}   I am alone….

Someone single said that she is miserable.  When I asked why, she said she is tired and alone.  I immediately responded “Me too.”

I am married, I have three kids.  I am completely alone.  My husband works so much he doesn’t recognize his children.  My best friend from childhood is far away and unreachable for many reasons.  No Dad, Mom, siblings.  No friends.

So here I sit, broken hearted….

Is there anyone out there?  Call me, lets get together….

I want to go up in a hot air balloon…

Fly in a helicopter…

Skydive…

Scubadive…

Hunt (this fall/winter will be my first bow hunt.  Anyone in WI or IL know a place to hunt?)

I want to own a horse.  Love her, groom her, feed her, ride her.

I want to learn to paint, create…

I want to drive, fast, oh so fast, race someone else and kick fucking ass…

I want to take my big bad powerful pretty truck and drive it sideways through the mud…

I want to meet a man who becomes my friend, and at some point, needs me, cant keep his hands off of me, completely loses control.

I want a second chance with my mother.  I love you Mamma…



{April 17, 2013}   Stick with me on this one…

WARNING..

If you read the following post you are stating that you are aware of my diagnosis of ADD, and Bipolar, and you are aware that I am completely out of control manic right now, so Im sure it will be random, cuz thats what is going on in my head.

I just finished painting two walls in my much anticipated “Alone Room”…

I suck at painting, according to various reliable sources.

Painting Tips

1. “Cutting in” is not necessary, and in truth is mechanical and stops the flow of true creativity. I have learned that the edge of the prior wall color acts as a frame for your masterpeice.

2. Dont get upset when your significant other goes ballistic about all the paint stains on the new carpet. Try “Grandma’s Secret Stain Remover”. (Not made by my Grandma, probaly not made by anyones Grandma. Probably made by the underpaid and sexually harassed assistant of some man that has B.O.)

3. Do not paint in a well ventilated area. Close all the doors and windows. Feel free to add an ocillating fan, however. Turns the fumes into a breeze of LSD flashbacks. (Say no to drugs…)

4. There is no need for a second coat. Consider the shading and crevices as a faux painting effect that you invented all by youself. Truly beautiful.

5. Take your time. This is not a race, unlike masturbating in you car in the parking lot at Kohls. Chances are someone is going to park next to you, and that, my friends is a bummer. Now I park next door at the used CD resale shop. No one ever parks there, trust me.

6. Dont be upset if you choose the wrong color paint, and your boudoir turns into PeeWees Playhouse. Buy a few pillows from Pier 1 (another excellent parking lot), and pretend you meant to do it and critical visitors have no understanding of abstact art and satire. The Marilyn Monroe clock can still be returned to Walmart. But the Zebra print fur you bought to make into a loveseat slipcover? Just go with it, and remember if PeeWee was still on TV in 2013, Chair-y would have definately been upgraded since animal prints are all the rage in pre-teen bedroom acrosss the country.

one more thing… If you find yourself rolling the paint roller across the wall with out paint on it, thats cool too. Its called practice.

BTW… I got the stain remover at ACE hardware, even if I am still pissed that the smelly overpaid Jackass took all the credit.



et cetera