venusgypsy











{July 11, 2013}   Easy there Killer…

I just opened a packet of energy powder that you mix into a water bottle. On the side of the box it says “Great cor use on the go when your climbing a mountain”. WTF?????

I don’t want to climb a mountain, unless the mountain they are referring to is “laundry mountain”, so my kids have clean underwear. In addition if I did spontaneously decide to tackle Mt. Everest after Maury, I seriously doubt this little drink is going to give me the energy to do it. I doubt this little drink would give me the energy needed to climb the hill down the street.

And really, do actual mountain climbers get energy drink packets from Walmart in order to reach the summit? I think not.

But just in case, if I ever meet a mountain climber, ill ask them and let you know.

Maybe ill run into one in the powdered energy drink isle on my next trip to Walmart.

You never know….



{July 10, 2013}   chaos…

I don’t know the words. Dont know how to explain the hell I am in. It switches on and off. No pattern, no warning. My chest gets tight and my heart beats hard and fast. My throat closes up and I can’t speak. My face gets hot, and I hear a loud noise, a combination of ringing and white noise. I am paralyzed, by fear? Guilt? Dread? I can’t leave the house. The only way to avoid it is to sleep. 24 hours a day if I can. I would rather die than live like this forever. (But hey, I said the same thing when I had chickenpox…)



{June 18, 2013}   Touching….

I just made myself come so hard. Now it feels like molasses is flowing through my veins. Washing away the stress and anxiety. Leaving behind contentment and peace. I am addicted. This is my drug of choice. it costs me nothing, but the riches recieved are endless. Stop what your doing right now and give yourself this gift. From you, to you. With love….



{May 22, 2013}   Frog stew…

Its 230 am. I can’t sleep. The frogs and coyotes seem to think its a night at the Apollo. I don’t believe in killing animals unless you are going to eat them. So I’ve got my kimber warrior in my hand and I’m starting the grill. Top chef…



I sit in my bed alone. The silence makes the inside of my ears hot. My eyes burn and water, pushed beyond endurance.

All I see are the yesterdays, all the shadowy days I try to hide from myself, lest they emerge and tear my mind asunder.

But they are here now. If I do not face them one by one, as I have in the past, they will just get louder and uglier, and more truthful.

I just wish I didn’t have to go through it alone.  The very few people I have, can not stand witness to my never ending reals of memories, lest they realize that more than one of the acts committed herein has cast them in the role of victim.



{April 17, 2013}   Stick with me on this one…

WARNING..

If you read the following post you are stating that you are aware of my diagnosis of ADD, and Bipolar, and you are aware that I am completely out of control manic right now, so Im sure it will be random, cuz thats what is going on in my head.

I just finished painting two walls in my much anticipated “Alone Room”…

I suck at painting, according to various reliable sources.

Painting Tips

1. “Cutting in” is not necessary, and in truth is mechanical and stops the flow of true creativity. I have learned that the edge of the prior wall color acts as a frame for your masterpeice.

2. Dont get upset when your significant other goes ballistic about all the paint stains on the new carpet. Try “Grandma’s Secret Stain Remover”. (Not made by my Grandma, probaly not made by anyones Grandma. Probably made by the underpaid and sexually harassed assistant of some man that has B.O.)

3. Do not paint in a well ventilated area. Close all the doors and windows. Feel free to add an ocillating fan, however. Turns the fumes into a breeze of LSD flashbacks. (Say no to drugs…)

4. There is no need for a second coat. Consider the shading and crevices as a faux painting effect that you invented all by youself. Truly beautiful.

5. Take your time. This is not a race, unlike masturbating in you car in the parking lot at Kohls. Chances are someone is going to park next to you, and that, my friends is a bummer. Now I park next door at the used CD resale shop. No one ever parks there, trust me.

6. Dont be upset if you choose the wrong color paint, and your boudoir turns into PeeWees Playhouse. Buy a few pillows from Pier 1 (another excellent parking lot), and pretend you meant to do it and critical visitors have no understanding of abstact art and satire. The Marilyn Monroe clock can still be returned to Walmart. But the Zebra print fur you bought to make into a loveseat slipcover? Just go with it, and remember if PeeWee was still on TV in 2013, Chair-y would have definately been upgraded since animal prints are all the rage in pre-teen bedroom acrosss the country.

one more thing… If you find yourself rolling the paint roller across the wall with out paint on it, thats cool too. Its called practice.

BTW… I got the stain remover at ACE hardware, even if I am still pissed that the smelly overpaid Jackass took all the credit.



{March 28, 2013}   Pissy as all hell…

I’m still in bed. This time not tired, but bored and irritated, so I’m watching my fave movies to pass the time. Total Recall at the moment. Next, Beautiful Mind I think…  The sounds of someone opening my bedroom door makes me hot, makes me want to scream in anger. So I hide here, to protect those I love. I will look back one day and mourn the days I lost with them due to this disorder. I never asked for this. There is no cure…. Still, I must hold myself responsible for my actions, and my words, regardless of my feelings, which I do not own. I do not claim them. They are forced upon me by some unknown, random, break in chemicals in my mind. This rollercoaster has no beginning, no end, it is infinite. As am I.



{March 28, 2013}   Bad day…

Been in bed all day. So tired, apathetic. No energy, mental or otherwise. Bored with myself, with life. Just want to sleep…



et cetera