I sit in my bed alone. The silence makes the inside of my ears hot. My eyes burn and water, pushed beyond endurance.

All I see are the yesterdays, all the shadowy days I try to hide from myself, lest they emerge and tear my mind asunder.

But they are here now. If I do not face them one by one, as I have in the past, they will just get louder and uglier, and more truthful.

I just wish I didn’t have to go through it alone.  The very few people I have, can not stand witness to my never ending reals of memories, lest they realize that more than one of the acts committed herein has cast them in the role of victim.


{March 29, 2013}   Sun will come out tommorow….

I woke up a bit ago and went outside. Its a beautiful day. First day of the year I’ve been able to sit in the morning sun in my fave spot.  “Soaking up the rays” my drunken sun loving father used to say before he disowned me after my mothers funeral.  Another story for another time… anyway, I went inside, did my makeup and hair, and put on my camo Real tree Girl sweatshirt. Odd combo, I know, but it works for me.  Now I’m back in my spot, listening to the birds, sun on my face.  My little princess is walking around the soon to be beautiful flowers, in a princess dress and plastic princess heels my son bought her for Christmas.  She’s got a red daisy in her hair. Its going to be a good day. I thank God for his Mercy.

et cetera