{May 22, 2013}   Frog stew…

Its 230 am. I can’t sleep. The frogs and coyotes seem to think its a night at the Apollo. I don’t believe in killing animals unless you are going to eat them. So I’ve got my kimber warrior in my hand and I’m starting the grill. Top chef…


I sit in my bed alone. The silence makes the inside of my ears hot. My eyes burn and water, pushed beyond endurance.

All I see are the yesterdays, all the shadowy days I try to hide from myself, lest they emerge and tear my mind asunder.

But they are here now. If I do not face them one by one, as I have in the past, they will just get louder and uglier, and more truthful.

I just wish I didn’t have to go through it alone.  The very few people I have, can not stand witness to my never ending reals of memories, lest they realize that more than one of the acts committed herein has cast them in the role of victim.

{March 28, 2013}   Pissy as all hell…

I’m still in bed. This time not tired, but bored and irritated, so I’m watching my fave movies to pass the time. Total Recall at the moment. Next, Beautiful Mind I think…  The sounds of someone opening my bedroom door makes me hot, makes me want to scream in anger. So I hide here, to protect those I love. I will look back one day and mourn the days I lost with them due to this disorder. I never asked for this. There is no cure…. Still, I must hold myself responsible for my actions, and my words, regardless of my feelings, which I do not own. I do not claim them. They are forced upon me by some unknown, random, break in chemicals in my mind. This rollercoaster has no beginning, no end, it is infinite. As am I.

et cetera