{April 8, 2013}   I hate days like this…

I believe in God. Actually, its not that I “believe” in Him, like I believe in Santa until that little bitch who lived next door ruined it for me… I know Him. “All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God”. I think I’m one of His favorite sinners. And no, I can’t answer any of the questions we all have, I just know that when I finally see his face they will all be answered.

Anyway, its raining today. I bring up God to lead into my belief that everything happens for a reason. And its not always a reason that will benefit me, or you for that matter, in that moment.

Wow, I’m all over the place this morning. ANYWAY, its raining. Just think Mufasa and the whole circle of life thing.

Holy CRAP! Lion King just started, I am not even kidding! Kismet.

Anyway!!!!! Its raining. Zero sun. Gray skies. Wind. Necessary for the survival of our planet, right? I get it. What the fuck ever.

The weather seeps through my skin. My eyes greedily suck in the lack of color, the cold wet nothing that surrounds me. I am not even safe in my home. I hear it. I feel it pushing in, pushing at me.

I have no defense against it. None. I can close all the doors, pull all the blinds and curtains, even though I know there is no point. None of that changes the weather or my aversion to it.

I feel heavy, dark, can’t sit still, but I don’t want to move. And as I hold God Close to me, I don’t ask him to change the weather. I will not cheapen My Lord into a magician, or some sort of circus performer. Plus, the rain is necessary.

This too shall pass. My beautiful spicy mamas tattoo.

And, last I checked, God is a little busy at the moment. Go get em, Father. I can deal with the weather.


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