{March 31, 2013}   A day of duality…

I took my daughters swimming today. We get there and I take off my youngests layers. As she stands there in her bright colored, ruffled, striped little baby tankini, I turn to get her arm floaties out of the bag, and I hear a splash. I whip around in complete panic, and there she is. Swimming. Without floaties. Underwater, and fast. Like a beautiful high speed midget athlete. I want to jump in, save my baby from drowning, but she has somehow become strong, graceful. When she comes up for air, she looks right into my eyes. And I say ” you are amazing”. She seems validated by my praise and dives back down. My little princess, my fearless conquerer.
Then I played volleyball with my older daughter. She continued to win, she was beating my ass, truthfully, but since my mermaid princess was keeping score I was the official winner. Somehow I scored 100 every game. My daughter? Zero. Sometimes its all about effort, I told her. Hahaha!
Tomorrow is Easter. On of my favorite holidays. I go to church, sing my heart out, open my soul. I lay everything at his feet and accept his good ness and grace.
but this year there is a shadow, a place that was broken and now stands empty but throbbing in my heart. Last year, easter Sunday on my way home from church I received a text from my father, who I hadn’t seen since my mothers funeral. I took it as an olive branch. I thought he was saying everything was going to be OK. I later realized he was telling me goodbye.  I know that ride home from church tomorrow will be painful. I’ll be gripping my phone and remembering all that came before. But oh my… you should see my shoes…


marchfree says:

Wow, I really liked this. Honesty + energy. 🙂

Thank you. You see something that I don’t and its exciting to get your feedback!

marchfree says:

I’m an English teacher, so feedback is in my blood… but really I was just looking for something to read about bipolar disorder, something I could relate to. I’m trying to write about it a bit too if you feel like checking it out. take it easy.

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