{March 29, 2013}   Feeling crazy happy good…

Right now I feel like I could conquer the world. I’m dizzy and shaking from the electricity flowing through my veins. I’ve learned that most people with bipolar disorder have episodes a few times a year… Good or bad, as you can see from my posts, I am different weekly, daily, or from one moment to the next. I’m playing with my kids, taking out the garbage, doing laundry all at once. I feel like I am in fast forward. And I love it. Like a drug, my disorder gets me high. Like a lover, it embraces me and fills me with ecstacy. I dance in the front yard of my high brow suburban neighborhood like a highly experienced stripper, and I don’t care who sees.  But the urges are there, right under the surface, to engage in the behaviors of the past. Walk again down the stairway to rock bottom, where you lose everything.  I somehow clawed my way out of that abyss early last year. I was saved from being a body, without a soul. So now, as I bask in the glow of utter euphoria, I hunger. I want. But I won’t go back to that place. I can’t.


I know that feeling well.Rapid cycling is a hard nut to crack though…pill wise. I would keep the ups though…just hate the lows.

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